Dear Little Sister

Dear Little Sister,

I miss you.

E X C E P T I O N A L L Y .

Love, K.

Dear Self

Dear Self,

Today we were sad.  Sad for what we had once.  What we had at 16.  A family still together.  A bright and hopeful future.  An intense love with a boy.  A sense of self, truth, honesty, hope.  A deeply rooted sense of family and right and wrong with a big thick line down the middle.  A good & bad.  There was no middle ground.

All I have tonight is middle ground and shades of grey.  I can hardly see either side I feel so stuck right smack dab in the center.  I miss the simplicity that life was.  The clean cut lines.  The unknown.

And what was the unknown?  A broken family.  A future unknown, feared and worrisome.  A sense of solitude in a crowded room.  There is always someone there, someone to listen, willing to talk over my thoughts... but no voice seems to crowd them out the way that he did once.  A heart that breaks just a bit when I hear his name.  When I hear them say, 'it's meant to be,' 'you'll be together again...' 

Just how much can a heart take?  It's been days, weeks, months, years.

give it time.  hope will float.

K.

Dear First Love

Dear First Love,

Do you need a reason? Is that what you're looking for? A reason?

I won't make it. I won't get over it.

I won't survive without you in this life. In my life.

You matter. You're that important. To me.

Love,

K.

Dear Best Friend

my dear best friend,

Thank you so much for your support in my adventures to come. Not just your generous donation. You have been a kind friend and I'm lucky to have you in my life. I look forward to sharing my stories of adventure over champagne when I get back. I love you.

To adventure, to love, to life... and to best friends like you.

Love,

K.

Dear First Love

Dear First Love,

It's been months since we've spoken. Probably the best thing for both of us. But all I know for sure, it's the best thing for me, right now.

I had a dream about you the other night. I woke up severly disturbed. Just put off - you know - because I told you - that's when you usually pop back into my life - when I dream about you.

You're more active on Facebook. Yes - I keep tabs on you, occasionally. I like to be prepared. You know that too, though.

I wasn't expecting to feel that way after a dream. After so many months of not speaking. So many years of not seeing you.

I've thought about removing you from my life. You've been such a huge contributing factor, every time I start to think I'm ready, I'm just not, after all.

I miss you in my life. Not romantically, but also that way in a way too. I miss you more as the best friend that I once had. That I thought I had in you. I miss the you in my head. You're not the same man now. But I still miss you - and wake up devastated when I realize it's just a dream with you in it.

I still love you, always will.

Love,

K.

Dear Big Sister

Dear Big Sister,

I am so grateful for our intertwined lives. I was in a place last winter where I just needed to focus on anyone other than myself. I would never wish your situation last year on anyone ever.

It says a lot about our upbringing and character what happened when I pushed & shoved my way back into your life. I was desperate for you to be back in my life and remind me why I am the way I am.

You were clinging to anything at that point. Holding on for dear, sweet life. I reached out at the same moment in mine, and there you were.

I came for a visit - and wound up staying. I tell everyone that it's because 'it was too cold back East' or 'I couldn't live another minute without sunshine.'

It was for you. And me. I needed someone else to focus on. To feel like myself again. I needed to take care of me by taking on someone else's problems.

I am so eternally grateful that you needed me. I know that I helped by just being here. I know, because you told me on 'date night.' Our own special night out - just me and you.

You were at the end of your rope, and I was hanging on to the edge by a thread. I'd like to think we pulled eachother to safety.

We clung to eachother in our darkest times of need. We held on for dear, sweet life with all that we had. And in the end, we came out smiling on the other side.

The Boom-Bands are officially playing! We're out of the slump, we made it through together.

I love you for so many reasons - the best one I can think of - you gave me back myself. Thank you, dear sweet Big Sister.

Without you, I don't make sense.

Love,

K.

Dear Little Sister

Dear Little Sister,

Not too much to say today - just thinking about you and wishing we were closer together, always.

See you soon!

Love Always,

K.